Thursday, January 30, 2014
Well I have started a "pretty book", so no one detects what is on the inside...ugly thots. It is something Laura has thought up. I have always written when angry or upset, to get those words that swirl around in my head out. Maybe once on paper, the darkness exposed to light and lines become answers and salve to wounds that seem deeper then they really are. I know I am blessed. But I have struggles too. Empty nest is on the the way. I have practiced it when Hannah was at school, but I knew she was coming back. Easy to be gracious about something that doesn't really count. So I am having a fuss about it on the inside, that somehow creeps outside of me. I hate change. I would love to have a regular routine of clean the house on Monday, laundry on Tuesday and baking on Wednesday, but who does. Everyday there is change, some big and some small. And life certainly isn't that way either. And how boring would that be anyway. I know that I will survive empty nest, all I have to do is look around to others that are already there. I will pray that my fussing will give in to being gracious, I think God has his work cut out for him on this one.